My mama is a knitting fool

What??

2005-04-29T13:56:00.000-02:00

This morning, my mom came by and gave Ty a plant and said, "You can get your mama to help you plant it this afternoon - it is an eggplant". Ty said, "OH GREAT, I LOVE EGGS". The boy is not right - we live on a farm and have had chickens - I guess he thought it was something new!! I love eggs - how funny!

Knitting - how many times do you frog something before you give up? I had to meet Sally for work and she gave me some new yarn, so I thought it would be perfect to make her the Panache Stole from Creative Knitting with it. I have now frogged it (as of last night) 5 times. It really is not that hard of a pattern, I just keep doing stupid things like NOT SEEING A YO and not noticing it until too late!! A year ago I would have just left it on the needles and kept on knitting mistakes and all - I guess I am finally becoming more particular about the way the finished product looks.

Now for news from last weekend. It was one of the most awesome experiences of my life. We did not realize that it was going to be such a big deal. We got there and they took us to a VIP room with about 100 people in it. We were talking to the scholarship people and Mo whispers in my ear, "Mama, is that Rudy from Survivor?" Sure enough, it was. We went over and talked to him a while and got his take on who would win this time (he said if the other people had sense they would get rid of Tom because he is the strongest player, and the strongest never make it or he would have won!!). Anyway, then we see Ross Perot. We walked over there while Will introduced us and thanked him for the money he gave to start the scholarship.

After the VIP reception, we went into the main room. There they had tables set up with stuff from the mission. Someone had scooped up some sand from Desert One and it was in a jar. Roland Guidry was there and he had the page of legal pad paper he used that night with everyone's name on it - there were x's by the names of the guys who didn't answer roll call that night because they had been killed (and also what looked like tear drops smearing the ink). There were also men there who were in the back of the plane and saved because Will's dad did damage control and did not leave the plane so they could be saved (and losing his life in the process).

Then we had a nice dinner, the commander of the army spoke, and Keni Thomas sang with his band Cornbread. I had never heard him before, but he really was great.

They did a video tribute of the mission that had both me and Will in tears. There were pictures that we had never seen and the last ones taken of his dad - so emotional and overwhelming.

Then Travis Tritt sang a few songs and played the guitar. Did I mention our table was the closest one to the stage? It felt like a private concert. After he was finished, they took us to a separate room to take pictures with him, and of course Mo was freaking out . You have to remember we are country folks from south GA so this was beyond cool, especially for a middle school girl. (I smudged her face in the pic, but you get the idea).

Then we went back in for an afterparty and the results of the auction. This is a picture of the stained painted of the stained glass window that they made as a tribute. It turns out that 500,000 dollars was made that night for SOWF. That is so great because there are so many kids being left behind with the war. And I don't care what you think about military and war, kids suffer so much when they lose a parent that it is a noble cause to provide for their education.

That was the second part of a great weekend. I forgot to mention that on Sat., Mo won 1st in state in Communications Challenge, 2nd in Digital Photography, and 3rd in Environmental Challenge. I am so proud.

Maybe things are finally starting to turn around for us because the last few years have really been rough. Aren't we lucky to have each other for good and bad times? I am truly a blessed woman.

Never Forget

2005-04-21T08:01:00.000-02:00

No time to knit. We are getting ready to go here this weekend. We were kind of torn because the White House Commision on Remembrance is also doing a ceremony at Arlington. We can't go to both, so we decided to go to the one the SOWF is doing because they have done so much to help the families of those who have died. There is no way that we could have afforded for Will to finish school if it weren't for them.

The night of April 24, 1980, everything is his universe shifted. I think losing his dad in such a public and tragic way forever changed him. I know that it changed his view of the world. It nearly ruined his mom. There were so many weird things that happened afterwards that I know she went to her grave thinking the government covered alot of things up. Even though she went on with her life, she alway thought there was a possibility that he did not die that night - he was probably still dead, but things did not happen the way they said they did.

Of course, being the soul he is, he still often reminds me that if that accident had not happened he would have missed out on having me and the kids. In part of the speech the he gave when they named the post office after his dad, he said, "Most people do not get to live thier dreams, but Daddy did. He knew the danger, and he died doing what he loved". Will knows the character of the man he lost - he cried when he wrote that speech. What I know is that he is made up of the same character.

So this week is always kind of a somber one at our house. It may sound wierd for me to feel so much about it, but I love Will with everything I am, and that is the hurt in his heart that I cannot fix, so I hold it with him. This is a "big" anniversary, and the first one without having his grandparents to call and spend a little time remembering, and I have a feeling this one is going to be rough. I will never forget, nor will I let my children ever forget, that thier Grandaddy was a hero. Not just because he gave his life trying to rescue someone else, but he was also a great man for showing his son how life should be handled.

How much yarn is that????

2005-04-18T19:21:00.000-02:00

$24,000 dollars, yes that is correct, $24,000 dollars. How much yarn would that buy? I would venture to guess enough to last me at leat until my 50's. But no - that is how much 4 days in the hospital and the extra test charges have now added up to. My sister is a doctor - I understand the cost of malpractice insurance, but give me a break. One day in ICU I was fed one bowl of tomato soup - one bowl. How could it have 4 days cost that much? Thank God for insurance, but even still, we are living on my income alone. And then I happen to watch Dr. Phil today because my blood pressure is 150/115 today and I could not function to go to work. There are people on there today worrying about debt and buying 22,000 dollar rings. Give me a break.
I understand, I really do. My mother has aways focused on social status. I grew up in a family with money, so did Will, but we decided early on that we would do everything we could to afford our life and never owe anyone anything, so we ended up being the white trash (sorry if that offends anyone) of the family. When they were all going on vacations together and giving us hell because we had no money to go, we took it. When we live in a really small house, but it is ours, and we have the understanding that we are lucky to have what we have. We have been in the place where there was no food in our pantry and a baby in the high chair, and Will was literally fishing at the pond so we would have something to eat that night. We worked hard and got through it. One of us blesses the food every night because we know the value of having basic needs such as food and clothes. We give what we can at Christmas, we put out the extra money to feed two extra kids, and our life is not easy, but we are happy and there are five people here who love each other so much. I made the decision to take a job that would make a difference in the lives of a bunch of kids instead of one that would bring more money because I know that making a difference means more than making money.

But 24.000 dollars? How are regular people supposed to deal with that? I know that stash reduction will not be an issue for a while - I have no choice but to use what I have!!!! I actually had no complaints about frogging Lu's sweater for the 2nd time this weekend.

There is an end in sight. I am so proud to know that on May 7 there is a graduation coming. I am so proud of him for deciding to do what he dreamed of - teaching kids. He is 36 and decided to fulfill his life dream and I believe he will be such a positive influence to so many kids. Come August, we will finally be a family with 2 incomes (even 2 teacher incomes are a good thing). So if you happen to read this and believe in prayer or positive thoughts think of us this week. I am trying to figure out how to make it through this one. And if you are someone thinking of going on Dr. Phil, please never complain about a 22,000 ring or making million - as he would say, get real.

2005-04-13T15:38:00.000-02:00

Finally some pictures. The two are the sweater I am working on for Bug and the third is of the ~~CLOG FROM HELL~~ my felting project that is being so very very nice. Check out the pattern Bug picked out for his sweater - I think it looks nice and that he has good taste for a six year old. Also started Lu's last night but had to rip it out when I was trying to watch the Amazing Race, listen to Will who thinks I need to know the story of every kid he wrote up that day, fold clothes, and remember where I was in the pattern. I got off somewhere and decided it would be better to try again another day.

Everything else was really calm (knock on wood), so maybe the current crisis is settling down. Enoughof that for now. Something funny. I was putting away said laundry and was walking across the living room with three identical bras (grey ones, now why did I pick grey - they were the only ones in my size of the brand I like). Will says "Oh - you have more than one of those grey bras?" The man has lived with me a long long time - has he thought all of this time that I was a nasty chic who wore the same bra every day of the week?!?! I swear - I give him more credit than he deserves sometimes!

What am I doing wrong or FELTED CLOG FOR GIANTS

2005-04-11T08:10:00.000-02:00

Surely someone who is a better knitter/felter than myself can tell me what to do with this clog. I finished clog one and it was so big (yes I checked guage first and it was right), so I decided to felt it and make sure before I did clog 2. Remember this is only the 2nd thing I have ever felted. We were at Mom's so I decided to do it there since people did not believe it would shrink. Well there the problems started - first, after the thing was aggitating, I realized that her hot water to the washer was not working. Despite several attemps and bringing pots of hot water, it did not seem to want to felt, so I decided to do it on the stove. I finally got it to start felting, and it is taking a great shape, but it is still too big. It is supposed to be for DD who is a size 8, but fits DH who is a mens 11.
So SMART knitters, what do I do? Do I try to felt it again in my washer that has hot water? Will that shrink it too much? Should I give it another go o the stove instead? Also if anyone has made these, are the outer and inner soles supposed to felt together? Thanks in advance for any advice.
There is a major reason I want these to work. I have not blogged since Friday because I have pretty much spent 24/7 with the family especially DD. I got the worst call I have ever gotten from her school Friday, and I have been too sad to write. Apparently she made a comment about suicide to another girl and the other girl called the counselor. My kid? No way did I ever think that. The school wanted me to take her to get evaluated immediately. At first they acted like she was being abused at home or something because she said she was depressed over family problems. After we talked to them and they realized that we love our kids (hello) and there were just alot of causes for stress lately, but abuse was not one of them, they gave us the name of a place to go. I of course was going nuts and then the person at the school tells me - you know teenagers just do better with a counselor - they will tell them things they won't tell their mom. Well that hurt. Yes I know that happens, because I never had the kind of relationship with my mom that I felt like I could trust her with anything. I think that has made me work extra hard to make sure that they can trust me with anything. I won't freak, we deal with it. That was why I couldn't figure out how she had gotten to this point.
So DH stays with the other kids and I take her. I was scared to death, but I knew we had to talk it through. I asked her what had happen and she starts spilling her guts about things she had been feeling in the last month or so. We get in the office and she tells everything that has been bothering her. I asked why she hadn't told me before. It turns out that when I got sick Will told them not to fight or say anything to me that would stress me out because it would make my blood pressure go up and I didn't need that. Well, she took that to mean she couldn't talk to me about anything, so she had been holding it in for weeks. We sat in the office for about an hour and they realized that she didn't need to be admitted and thought she might need some counseling/maybe a small anti-depressant to help her deal with all of the changes lately, but that she would be ok. On the way home and for the rest of the weekend, I had my kid back. The one that talks to me. I could not figure out what I had done to make her not want to do things together or talk for the last month and all along, she was trying to do what she thought her daddy had asked her to do. Needless to say, he is no longer giving the kids "instructions" without running them by me and making sure they understand what he means. I have just been so thankful all weekend because even though she says she is too big of a wimp to do something like that, the possibility of something happening any of my kids makes me so upset. She is my only girl, she is the one who I "gave up" (not really gave up, because look what I got) being a normal teenager for. She is the one who gave me incentive to go to college and find a career to make a better life for. I think it would kill me. When I tucked her in last night, she said "I am so glad I am not crazy - I have had all of these feelings all month and I though I was just going crazy". And she knows how much we love her.
So the clogs are for her. She picked the colors at the yarn store last week. I want them to be right. Stupid yes to want to give her some material thing, but all of my kids have always understood that when I took the time to make something for them - whether it is a quilt or a halloween costume, or homeade italian food, it is done because I love them. ANYthing for a smile.
I will post pics tomorrow

Can you repeat that? Justin Who?!?!?!

2005-04-06T09:16:00.000-02:00

I do not usually talk in my sleep, but I guess I broke the rule the other night. Will said that he was watching TV. and I start mumbling about, "Justin". He decides that he is going to catch me dreaming about somebody else and so he whispers, "Justin Who"? I say, "Oh Justin Wilson". JUSTIN WILSON?!?!?! That is that old Cajun guy who cooks on PBS!!!!

Now Will has started calling me Wendy - because the hamburgers there are hot and juicy. He thinks if I can dream about Cajun spice, he can dream about something else that is hot!!!

I haven't read much because I was out of town teaching yesterday, but did anyone see The Bachelor Monday night? I was asleep because I had to leave at 5 Tues. morning, but Will got me out of bed because he couldn't believe there was someone knitting on there. I guess in his man brain he thinks that me and some Amish women are the only ones who knit. I was just glad the girl stood up for herself and said she would knit if she wanted too.

Enough for today - I just had to write the Justin story down before I forgot it.

downer

2005-04-04T08:00:00.000-02:00

It is so depressing to have to come back to work when the weather is so nice. To make things worse, there is a chirpy little bird outside my window who keeps reminding me to look out at the sun shine I am missing - thanks a lot!!

We had a great weekend. We carried the kids to the Zoo for Lu's birthday. The kids loved it. When we took the train ride, we told them it was his birthday, so during the ride they announced it over the speakers. He thought it was cool - it is always good when there is something special just for him, because sometimes being the middle child sucks!

Even better than the zoo (at least for me), guess what I found? A new yarn shop - here. It was nice to look at someone else's knitting, since it feels like I am living on an island - I can't find anyone around here that knits. Even the girl child broke away from being too cool to like what I like and was begging me for some new yarn and needles. She must have good genes, because she picked out a really nice pair of bamboo ones that were the perfect size for her yarn. The mama in me came out, because I (of course) bought them - even though I would not spend that much on a pair for myself. These days, anything I can do to encourage time together I will. I can't wait until she finishes middle school and I get my sweet and hopefully less moody daughter back!

Anyway...since we are famous for following wild hairs, we ended up in St. Augustine. Went to Ripley's which freaked out one of the kids. The others loved it. They have a vest in there knitted out of human hair - now who would think of that?? Then we went to the fort. I am so glad the kids like history - of course with Will teaching history, I don't guess they could really get away from it. We ate great food, had wonderful weather, and all of the kids got along.

Those are perfect days in my life. Makes it easy to forget that the doctor told me that the heart condition is permanent. I am still kind of avoiding thinking about it because I don't think I am quite ready to deal with it.

The life of a stay at home mom

2005-03-29T16:14:00.000-02:00

How much easier is this? I know that there has been a silent and sometimes not so silent battle between working and stay at home moms as to who has it harder. Those who stay at home say that people don't realize that taking care of a house and kids is a full time job. I agree. I also would trade one full time job over two anytime.
I don't think I notice it until we have time off. This week I have been able to breathe. I have knitted half of a rag rug, a good bit of Ty's sweater, and started on a pillowcase for Mo. I have had time to actually read. I made pottery with the kids - we started an 1000 piece puzzle. I shelled peas for dinner (shelled peas - when was the last time I did that I wonder?). The house is clean, the laundry is done, and I am not worn out from lack of sleep. And it is only Tuesday!!!
Before I get hate mail, I need to say that I would do it minute if we could, but we can't. Since mine is the only income while he finishes school, there are no other options. The kids have to eat. Maybe in the near future I will be able to do the part time thing, but not yet. I am all for each family doing what works for them. My job is fulfilling, but it is still a job. I think what some people don't realize is that when you are working, everything else that you need to do as a mom doesn't go away - you just end up doing a lot of it at midnight or at 4 in the morning. I just wish people would think before making comments about life being easier when you work. Maybe in a high paying job when you could afford a maid, but not here in the real world.
Can you tell someone really rubbed me the wrong way with something they said? My point was not just to rant. I only wish people would respect other people's decisions - I respect the sacrifices stay at home moms make (there was a point that I was there and I do remember). I just wish the same respect was given in return. Now to figure how to get that person to read this blog?!?!?

The Virgin Sweater

2005-03-25T17:34:00.000-02:00

Finally - I did it - my first "real" piece of clothes! I was really tired of scarves and hats. Yes, the pattern was easy, yes, the yarn was big, yes, I had to add to the bottom after I had sewed the thing together, but it is done, and it is mine, mine mine!! I am naming it "The Virgin Sweater" which made Will laugh and tell me that I was delusional.
Now I am on a roll. I figure that since I can't seem to control anything else (as is evidenced in the state of the house, my work, my heart, even last night's dinner) I will do what I have control of - the knitting. This afternoon I got 20 rows of a sweater started for Ty, cut up a cashmere sweater (gasp) to do something with and bought some cotton and started some dishcloths. I am being a little more ambitious with this sweater - let him pick out the stitch pattern.
Now, since I have decided I need more laughter.... We were getting ready to go to the grocery store and I told the kids to get ready. Ty comes and stands in front of me dressed and ready and says "how long do you think it will be before we go - about 14 stitches?" I knit too much - the kids don't measure in time, they use stitches and rows!!!!!!
The kids are starting Spring break, and I am taking mine with them, so we will have a week to be bums - I am so excited. Maybe with no work I can get my heart rate and bp down because I am about tired of it! Enough for now - back to more frenzied knitting before I gear myself up for coloring some eggs with the rugrats.

2005-03-25T17:33:00.000-02:00

the virgin sweater

How bad would it be to Laugh Outloud?

2005-03-24T08:00:00.000-02:00

I am in the mood to tell a funny story. Scott's Grandmama died and we were at the viewing. One of their old neighbors is a very bright man (a notable professor). He has this habit of writing things down in a little book when he speaks to people and then he later does research about it. Sooo we are all standing around in the funeral home, with the open casket at the front. My dad starts talking to him. My parents own a pecan farm, so they were talking about the pecan crop. The Dr. says, "What kind of pecan crop did you have this year?" My dad answers, "Oh - it was a pretty bad year for me, I got a case of scabs that just ate up my nuts."

I lost it!!! I had to turn around and pretend to look at the flowers and pretend to be shaking from crying instead of laughing. The Dr. is steady writing in his little book - never catches it. So when I need a laugh, I think about that man going to his computer and looking up "scabs that eat up nuts".

Needless to say, we have had to let my dad know he has to talk about his pecans instead of his NUTS!!!!

Hope this was not to crass - I just thought it was hilarious. By the way, Grandmama lived a great life and loved a good laugh, so I think she would have gotten a kick out of it!

A last goodbye

2005-03-21T12:11:00.000-02:00

As it flashed all over the news last night and this morning, the only thing I could think of was the last goodbye. Has it been 4 years? It is hard to fathom. As I think of those final moments, when the respirator was unplugged, I ask myself, isn't there some glimpse of every human that aches for a final goodbye?
I remember every moment as it is etched in my soul forever. First are the pictures in my head of the good years - playing cards, cooking together, nights on the phone, the laughter. I remember the tough times - the times when petty fights and disagreements over the way things were would keep us from speaking for days and sometimes weeks at a time. She was his mother, she was my friend. Through all of the complexities of the relationship, we still had an unusual understanding of each other. And I knew - we all knew- how she felt about being hooked to a machine.
The day came fast - two weeks between a diagnosis and death, but the worst of it was the last 8 days. A second of hope that things would get better, then the realization that they would not. The coma and damage to the brain was irreversible. But then we hit a wall. We - her children- were not allowed to make the decision. Only the husband, and he refused to abide by her wishes, so we spent 4 days pleading for him to understand. During those 4 days, I had a conversation late one night with a doctor who had done all he could. I was brushing her hair, he came by just to check. I said "there are worse things than dying", he said "living like this is worse than any death".
The pleading worked. And then the shock - we were unplugging the machines. The boys couldn't take it - all but one left. It was him, me and her other 2 best friends as the respirator was turned off. Only a pulse monitor and oxygen level that slowly went down over the next hour. I held her hand, and cried as a single tear ran down her cheek. We all held on to her one final time as the beats slowed down. Then it was over, we said goodbye, and were able to start the task of grieving and starting life again.
That was what was on my mind last night. You don't make that decision lightly, but without it, there is only limbo. Is it cruel to unhook a feeding tube? Maybe, but my heart says let them move on. I think about technology and 100 years ago, this would not have been a decision to make - the One who does make the decisions would have made it for them - and said it is time. Does that mean I am against medical advance? No. It means that I think we try to play God too often.
So Ann, today I am thinking of you, as I have so often. When I tuck in your 5 grandkids tonight, I remember the last words we spoke to each other. I remember the promise to take care of your oldest son, and I remember the promise to do what I could to keep the 3 of them being a family. I will never forget. The last goodbye was a blessing. Thank you.

Finally Back

2005-03-16T07:48:00.000-02:00

First, thank you to those who posted comments - here and the diet advice on RAOK. I am continually amazed at how kind people are - makes me glad to still be a part of this planet!
I have not been able to blog because they have still been running tests all week - between that and taking care of everybody and trying to get something that looks like work done, the days seem to just fly by.....
On the medical front. They did another diabetes test Monday and I wore a halter moniter for another 24 hours. It will take a week to get everything back, so still just working with the meds. Good thing about all of the medical stuff is that it lets me do more ......
On the knitting front. I finished knitting the floor bag and was able to felt it on Sat. It was the first time I have felted and I liked the way it turned out. I do want to add handles and figure out how to make it a little sturdier since it is big and I am using it to hold some of the stash. On Sunday, I started working on my first sweater from the kit I got. I already have the front done, and half of the back - yes it is a simple pattern, but it looks great with the yarn. I am just worried about sewing it - you should have seen what I did with a pair of JAMS (remember those shorts?!) back in the 80's! Anyway we will see how it goes with things so busy .......
On the homefront. The kids are all getting along pretty well. I know this is awful and selfish, but I sometimes feel bad for my kids because things were so normal before - at least our version of normal. Now it is extra work on everybody. The biggest trouble is dealing with these two who have never had any structure or been extpected to take part in what is needed. I am proud of my 3, because when the other 2 have bad manners, mine will say "that is really rude", or just tell them "no we can't play that until we do our chores". I am kind of caught - I don't want to be "mean" because I know they are going through alot, but I also know that if they are going to be part of the family, we are going to have to expect them to go by the rules. Part of the problem so far in thier lives is that they have never had to obey and have been allowed to pretty much do whatever they wanted. At least they are little. No way that I could handle it if they were teenagers. I have enough trouble dealing with my own "angel" - what do you do with the a moody 12 year old - she drives me nuts - all depressed and ill one day, happy and thinking I am great the next. I will be so glad when her hormones are one an even keel.
I think this post is long enough - I am seriously going to try to post more often, because I feel better after I have written some of it down.

So this is what a heart attack is like

2005-03-09T13:33:00.000-02:00

I guess there is nothing like the scare of a heart attack to jump start you into a lifestyle change. Early last Friday morning, I woke up having what I thought was a heart attack. Hello - I am in my thirties - too young for this. I have never been so scared in all of my life. I was literally lying on the couch thinking, should I go wake someone up and risk passing out on the floor, or should I just lay here on the couch and hope I don't die? By the time we got to the hospital, my heart was jumping from 140 to 60 beats and my blood pressure was 140/100 (and it has always been low). So they put me in the special care unit and there I stay for 4 days. Turns out, my cholesterol is high, my bp is high, I have some kind of angina that can be a precursor to a heart attack, but my stress test looks pretty good. Still enough to freak me out. Right now they are controlling everything with meds, and continuing doing testing.

So what does this mean for my life? First of all, I have got to slow things down at work and reduce stress in general. Second, which is not going to be easy is to lose about 40 pounds. Third is to get the cholesterol down and start exercising . Things I have said I was going to do for months, but never "got around to it". As I was lying in the hospital thinking how devastating it would be for me not to see my kids grow up, I realized there could be no more excuses.

That is all I can write about it because right now I am still a little in shock, but at least I have written it down. Maybe that will bind me to the changes I need to make.
For today, I am just glad to be here.

Giant Tomatoes, No Vacations

2005-02-28T08:00:00.000-02:00

First, in honor of severe weather week last week, one of my favorite stories about the baby boy. He was in preschool, and they had a the mandatory drill. I picked him up and asked how his day was and he tells me "Mama, today was vewy scarry - we had to go into the hall and put our head on the ground because a giant tomato was coming!" Kids minds are great

I had my vacation week planned. Work 2 or 3 days on the house, spend time knitting, reading blogs, going to the bookstore and the coffee shop to enjoy some quiet mornings with the kids in school.... Wrong!!! After a week off, I had time to pick up my knitting one - yes one - time. I did not even get a chance to make it to the computer. However, I do have the house in order now. I moved the boys to the playroom, painted their old room to act as a dual office/room for the niece and nephew, and got everything cleaned. So at least I will feel better walking in after work today. How sad is it that I had to come back to work to have time to breathe??

Now old business - I am so glad to know that the education problem is not isolated to the US. Particularly the problem with special education. Thanks to Tracy and Orris for letting me know that the frustration is shared. The good thing is that even with the struggles, we still have adults who are willing to keep pushing for what our kids need.

Enough for today. I really have alot of "real work" to catch up on.

Insane Government

2005-02-17T17:36:00.000-02:00

First of all the government decides that they are going to leave no child behind. They want all kids on grade level including our special ed kids. OK, fine, we are working on it. Maybe one day it will happen, but it is not going to be soon. Especially when they do something stupid like this. Hello - pull all of the assistive technology funding, cut all vocational and tech education, cut money for teacher training. I am sorry, but I work with these kids every day. Hell, I live with one everyday. Now I know what will happen if the funding goes away. Yes, I will still make sure my kid has what he needs, but what about those kids who don't have somebody watching their backs?
So I am teaching this group of special ed teachers today. We end up having a huge discussion about how the powers that be decide what is best in education. I have never seen teachers as stressed as they are. Yes there are some crummy teachers, but there are also some really great ones who are not able to do what they do best because of everything else they are being asked to do. So what is a teacher to do. I think that if we all got together and took a day off and went to Washington, maybe someone would take notice. These legislators should have to spend a week in a class with no safety net and then decide what they are going to do about the state of education in this country. Everyone else marches on Washington, why can't we? I will tell you why - first, teachers can't get together on anything, second, we are all afraid of losing our jobs and we need to work, third, teachers are too tired to take on one more thing, and fourth, there is a sense that no one really values the work of a teacher anyway.
How crazy is it that I can have a masters degree, years of experience, am considered a specialist in my field, and my kids are still eligible for free lunch? What does that say about how teachers are valued in this country? Then state and local government wonders why the turnover rate is so high. It does not take a rocket scientest to figure it out.
What am I going to do about it? I have no clue, but I am going to do something. If anyone has any suggestions, just let me know.
I am generally not an angry person, but this really hit me today.
OK - one really funny thing - I have these two ladies in my class who have done really well. They tell me today that they went to Micheal's last night to get stuff to make me a bag to put my knitting it - they were going to paint a sheep sitting at the computer and caption it "Ewe are a tech queen". Then they asked if I would think they were psycho for doing it. It cracked me up. One thing about this job - I meet some really nice people. Makes going to work worth it!!

Happy Day

2005-02-14T18:24:00.000-02:00

How nice it is just to be satisfied. With so many crazy things that have gone around here and in the world lately, I know how lucky I am to be in the place I am.

A love that has been strong enough to make it through more than our share of struggles. Still finding laughter every day. Even with no words, being able to understand each other's deepest thoughts and feelings. The "look" from across a table or a room that makes me smile. The shared experiences and pleasures and private jokes that can be passed through the squeeze of a hand. Knowing that the relationship that was no one thought would make it through a year has lasted for half of my life, and is stronger every day. Finding the balance we need to raise the kids, and do our jobs, and make it through the craziness that is life. I am not foolish enough to take it lightly. It is a rare love and I treasure it.

Enough contemplation. These are pics of my great yarn deal. 2 dollars a pound. There is plenty of it. I decided to see how I liked felting, and I will see how the bag turns out. Since I got such a good deal, I won't feel bad if I screw it up. Also a picture of sock number from the 1st sock KAL. Pretty plain, but it fits right! I am kind of sidetracked on the bag now, but I think I will start sock 2 sometime this week. Enough for now - think I am going to be a nice mom (to prove to Miss Teenage attitude that on some days, she still likes me and thinks I am a cool mom!) and do something good for valentines dinner for them all. Till next time.

2005-02-14T17:58:00.000-02:00

start of the feltedf floor bag

2005-02-14T17:57:00.000-02:00

new viscose yarn

2005-02-14T17:56:00.000-02:00

yarn for sweater

Yarn Snobs

2005-02-11T12:43:00.000-02:00

First, thanks for the encouraging comments about the kids yesterday. I am fluctuating from thinking I can handle it to being overwhelmed, but I think it is going to work out fine.

OK, OK... I get it. I know why people become yarn snobs. Since I started knitting, I generally have to use what I can get around here, and there is not much choice - I keep foolishly walking through the craft section of wal-mart hoping someone will wise up, but no (at least they started carrying homespun and the kids love those snake scarves made out of it). ANYWAY, my friend, who lives in a better city for knitters, found a great deal on some wool and some viscose yarn. So after I ...finally... got all of the kids settled in, I decided not to cast on the sock and instead get my hands in the new yarn. Man that stuff just feels good on the needles! I was so tired that I only cast on and finished one round of the bag I am going to felt before I had to put it down, but I really like it.

Now this is funny. Tyler - my first grader - is doing the "egg project". Luckily, they are using plastic eggs because they are carrying them around all month long. Anyway, on the first day, I had some leftovet chenille (the thick kind), so I whipped him up a little carrying case so his egg would be comforatable. It is in the shape of a cell phone cover and I just did a little yarn button to close the top. So every day he has been coming in with orders for more. I think I have made 13 now. Good thing they only take a few minutes to knit! Know his class walks down the hall with thier stylish eggs!!
Enough for today. If I do not work on the website, my boss is going to shoot me. I will take pictures of my projects this weekend.

Life Interrupted

2005-02-10T11:53:00.000-02:00

Well well, just when I thought things couldn't get more hectic they did. I no longer have three kids. I pretty much have five. In the last nine days, our world has turned full circle. My brother in law got emergency full custody of his kids. Since he is trying to go to school and work at night, and has no other family, we said we would do what it takes to help him make it. You would think with 2 more kids it is just a matter of opening one more box of Mac and Cheese! How foolish of me!!
It didn't take long to see that they were in desperate need of some mothering - absolutely not a problem - they are just kids caught in a bad situation, so maybe just the stability (and chaos) of our house will help.
It is just hard to figure out boundries and how to get balance. Maybe soon, but for now, between work and this new twist, I feel like I am running nonstop. I have been trying to take a few minutes every night to knit something - even if it is just a row or two because it makes me slow down and relax, and I know it destresses me. I finished the first sock from the KAL - may not be the best thing I have ever made, but at least it looks like a sock! Maybe I will have time to start the next one this weekend. All the time I have for today. Keep pressin on!!!

Pictures at last! and one blah weekend

2005-01-31T01:49:00.000-02:00

I finally got some picture posted. It has never occured to me to take pictures of what I have finished. It is a good idea since I give most of it away and can never remember exactly how some projects turned out. The first pic is the blanket I made Scott for Christmas. I did it because he said I never make him anything. It turned out kind of long, but it makes a great throw for the love seat and even works for a wrap.
Next is the sweater I restarted this afternoon. It is my first attempt at a sweater, so I am sure I will be frogging it again soon.
Next is the snake scarf Morgan is working on. I think she is doing great for a twelve year old. Her friends love these snake scarves and the homespun yarn works up so nice for the pattern.
Last is my question of the day. What can I do with the yarn from these 12 yellow sweaters? My mom got them on clearance for a dime each and I said I would take them for the yarn, but I can't figure anything to make. They are just acrylic, but for such a good price, I figured I could do something with them.

That is about all there is. The weather has been so yuck that I have been good for nothing. I did get some updates done on my webpages (for my real job). I also read a little, but other than that, nothing has gotten done. I think it is good for the soul to spend some weekends being a bum.

Scott's finished blanket

2005-01-31T00:48:00.002-02:00

Start of the sweater

2005-01-31T00:48:00.001-02:00

Morgan's Snake

2005-01-31T00:48:00.000-02:00

what to do with this?

Puppies, puppies, everywhere

2005-01-27T13:06:00.000-02:00

Aren't they cute?

We Live on a farm, we have room, so we are keeping five of them (yes, 5). I may live to regret this, but they have made everyone so happy. They were born the day after Thanksgiving, just a few days after Grandmama died, so they came at a time when everyone needed cheering up anyway.

We have never spent as much time together in the afternoons in the yard as we have since they have reached that playful stage. It is really nice. Scott is doing his student teaching, so he is getting home about the same time that the kids get in. When I get in from work, I stick supper in the oven and go outside and join them.

Of course the rest of the family is freaking out. My mom I guess thinks it is trashy, which I am used to getting over, but I am about sick of hearing it.

My only real problem is keeping them in the fence. I can't find the hole where they are getting out. Maybe I will catch them today!

I never read stitch and bitch, so I bought it tuesday and ended up staying up half of the night reading it. I was glad I picked it up - I think I love to read knitting books almost as much as I love to knit. It is so funny, because when Sally first taught me to knit, I could not get her obsession with books and magazines and yarns. I just wanted to knit. Now in the last 6 months it has all come together, now I love noticing textures and patterns, and learning how to make new things. I guess that is enough for today. I need to get some work done.

Hooked

2005-01-25T23:41:00.000-02:00

I am so hooked. It was a 14 hour work day today, and I am sitting here like an idiot writing in this blog when I know I have another day just like it tomorrow.
I was so excited yesterday to get my first ROAK - a gift certificate for tea from Lisa - Thanks!

Today was a good teaching day, but a horrible mom day. I thought I really had things together - the kids clothes were layed out, bookbags ready, they had instructions to walk to school 10 minutes after Scott left , andI called them to make sure they were out the door on time. THEN 15 minutes later Morgan calls me crying, telling me Tyler left his bookbag, the puppies were out, and when they came back to get the bag, it made her late and she missed the bus. All of this 10 minutes before I am starting to teach, and I am 2 hours away. what am I supposed to do? I got her to carry the boys back up to school. Luckily my mom was able to come pick her up. Definitely one of those moments when I was feeling like an awful mother. Just when you think you are doing a good job, raising responsible kids, something always happens to remind you that when you are raising kids, you have to always be on top of things and even then things get screwed up.

I did feel better at lunch. One of the teachers in my class had a scarf on, cute, and I asked if she knitted it - she had - but she told me she could only knit and purl and not read a pattern. She brought a pattern in and I was able to teach her to follow it and how to do the increase without using my knitters companion cheat that I usually have to go to. Made me feel like I am finally getting past the basics. After 3 years it is about time!! Enough for today. I am ready to crash.

Fishing and Knitting

2005-01-24T16:20:00.000-02:00

This weekend I learned that the two don't mix. Saturday was supposed to be really nice before the cold front came in, so we decided to walk the kids down to the pond and fish a little. I thought I would work on a scarf Morgan wants me to make for her friends b/d. BAD IDEA. Worms and yarn are not a good combination. It took all of 5 minutes to figure this out. I thought they were big enough to bait thier own hook. Well, wrong again. Even when they did put the worm on, who ended up taking the fish off? You guessed it. All the while Daddy was busy fishing. It was fun though. I was really glad we got out of the house since the cold fron blew in and it was 18 degrees last night, and that is cold for south georgia.

I made it by the bookstore and bought a book called knit lit. Maybe I will have time to start on it this week. I am teaching out of town, and when I do, I ususually have an hour at lunch with nothing to do but wait on people to come back to class. I also picked up Big Cherry Holler - maybe it will be good.

We gave away one of the puppies Sat., and the kids were heartbroken. I thought we had a home for one more, but the person wanted a female, so she wouldn't take him. The backyard looks like we have a puppy farm. They are everywhere, but they are so cute. I put red pepper on the back door so they wouldn't all try to get in. It worked for about a day. It was pretty funny to watch the reactions when they realized red pepper was not fun! I wish I could figure out how to get them off of that door. Oh well, enough for now.

How long does it take at 2 rows a day??

2005-01-19T19:04:00.000-02:00

I wonder if I will ever see progress on this sweater. I foolishly decided that I could get some work done on it during lunch. Two stinkin rows. At that rate, I will be finished in July!! Oh well - maybe tonight during lost. I wonder how much more knitting is going on since that show started? Scott thinks that if I am knitting, that I am not watching - how wrong. It must be a man thing not to be able to multi-task.

Tried to give away 2 of the puppies in the class I am teaching today. I think I have one taker - maybe if I put him in the cute little sweater I knitted (because Tyler swore that the runt would freeze without one) and took his picture if it would help?!? I will try that tonight - I just don't think that keeping six puppies would work - not if I plan on feeding them and buying yarn!

What A Week

2005-01-18T12:05:00.000-02:00

OK - I said I was going to do this, but have not come back to it for a week. The funny thing is that my "real job" is technology, and I haven't had an internet connection all week. I was teaching on Friday, and when I sent them to lunch, I had time to finish up a scarf for my cousin - my resolution for the year it to finish all of these projects!! Anyway, as people started dwindling back in, they were way more interested in what I was knitting than what I was teaching!!! Someone said they read that knitting is more relaxing than yoga. I believe it - maybe that is why I tend to pick it up when the kids are driving me insane!
Since it was a long weekend, I decided not only to start a my first sweater, but to organize my yarn. So today, my shouler is so sore from my bright idea to ball all of the yarn. Scott was really entertained, because I had a tendancy to drop the ball I was working on and frantically grab before it hit the ground. There has got to be an easier way. Also went to look for some wool to felt with. The variety of yarn available here sucks! Nothing with more than 20 percent wool. I swear in my next life, I am owning a yarn/coffee shop.

Do I really have time for this???

2005-01-11T14:19:00.000-02:00

After starting a slight blog lurking addiction over the holidays, I decided it must be good for the soul!! As for the name - it came on Christmas night. After I had given my husband a blanket, sister, granmother, daughter and cousin scarves and new knitting kits someone asked if I had made the scarves. Without missing a beat, my son replied, "Don't you know that my mama is a knitting fool?". I guess I have been called worse!

Oh well - we will see how this goes now that work is back in full swing!!

Current wip are: pair of striped socks
eyelash scarf
pattern bag

and a whole new stash of yarn I got for christmas - what possibilities!!!